Pop Quiz: Would You Date a Friend’s Ex? Can You Date a Friend’s Ex?

Hello people.  I am Enrique Quintero and I say there is nothing harder on the emotion than having to choose between a good friend and the one you love.  But what if it can’t be helped?

“Mates before dates” can be as simple as going for boys’ night out over a dinner date with your girl. But, it becomes a very complicated, very messy situation when it comes to whether or not it is okay to date your friend’s ex.

Last week I blogged about hobbies that would let you meet women. But what if, no matter what you do, you find your friend’s ex really attractive?

Really, what does the bro code say about going out with your buddy’s former fling? When is it okay to date a friend’s ex? Or is it ever okay?

The Big Issue

The biggest issue that comes with dating someone your close friend has dated is the question of loyalty. You cannot stop your mate from suspecting that you have been eyeing his girl even while they were still together. And you can’t really blame him if he wonders if you actually made advances to her behind his back. After all, he will never know.

And this is a fact for both male and female relationships.  We may argue, ‘no one owns anybody and we are free to date and love whoever we damn well please’. But then again, would you seriously say that to someone you call ‘brother from another mother’ in the face?

If you decide to go for it, you might find these rules handy.

The Factors to Consider

If you are thinking about pursuing a girl who’s dated your friend, there might be questions you need to ask yourself and factors you have to consider before making a move.

  1. Time : Time here refers to both how long your friend and his ex were together, and how long ago it was since they’ve broken up. If it was a long, serious relationship – say, something that started since they were in High School, I don’t think that’s something you want to get involved in. But then again, if they have broken up two years ago, then it may be okay.

2. Intention:  Why do you want to pursue the girl? Why would the girl want to date you? Are you looking at scoring off in an unspoken competition with your friend? Is she using you as a rebound, and the perfect accessory to have her revenge on your friend?  You are in for bad times unless it is true love that drives you.

3. Their current situation: Bad breakups take a really long time to get over from. If it wasn’t a mutual situation, and your friend was dumped, think again about taking his ex out. He will either

a) think you’re the cause of the breakup and you are a traitor or

b) she was using him the whole time to get you. Boys can be overly dramatic too you know. And besides, you really wouldn’t want to be the poor rebound guy.

But if they both have fully moved on from each other, and they can actually be civil, then maybe you can get your hopes up a teeny bit.

4. Timing:  In any situation, timing is everything: when to pursue the girl, when to tell your friend, when to take her to your common social circle – the slightest mistimed move could jeopardize both your friendship with your buddy and your blooming relationship with the lady in question.

The Bottom Line

The most important question, perhaps, that you should ask when thinking about pursuing a buddy’s former romance is this: will it be worth all the trouble and the risk of losing a friend?  Unless you want to be the douche bag and the jerk in your social circle, better ask that question before dialing her number.

Read this Seduction FAQ blog post now if you think you’re better off attracting other women.

So you might ask: what’s my take on this? If I were faced with such a situation, I would stay away from it UNLESS I really really, really think I want a serious relationship with her.

Just my two cents.

I’d love to hear what you think about this blog article.  You can post your comments directly on this blog or send them to enrique@enriquequinterodesign.com You can also reach me at phone number 347 622 8310.

Posted on 14th May 2013 in Enrique's Dating Advice  •  Comments are off for this post

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