I Used To Fake It…

You know why girls choose douche bags and players? Yes, exactly. They’re more confident! I’m really not that confident myself, which has pretty much made me a failure. Their sex appeal comes from that security they have in themselves; they channel their own self confidence to their dates and in turn, the girls feel just as confident with them.

This is where most nice guys fail. They fail to impress their dates the first time because they are too fidgety, they cannot look in her eyes, and they are almost always distracted. The first date blues always get them and their true personality – the nice, warm, loving, admirable traits – are overshadowed by their lack of self confidence. Instead they come out as not serious enough, boring, and maybe even rude at some point.

Confidence is the sexiest thing in anyone – men and women alike. Of course it takes a lot of brains, too, to recognize the difference between confident and cocky.

If you’re the type that runs out of things to say or gets the nerves when on a date or you just need the extra kick in the gut for your next date, here are some ways to fake your confidence:

Wear something nice but comfortable. When looking for clothes to wear on a date, always go for something that makes you feel handsome. Wearing something too fancy may not feel natural, further eroding your confidence.

Posture, posture!  Slouching makes your date feel unimportant. It makes her feel like you’re disinterested in talking with her, or you’re not taking her seriously. Sit up straight, cross your legs if you need to but keep a straight back. You’ll get used to it. If you need more help in correcting a slouch, read this Health Guidance article.

Hold your drink with one hand, preferably your left.  It keeps your hand busy, gives you something to ‘play with’ so you keep yourself from tapping on the table or clasping something very tightly, both of which are dead giveaways for nervousness.

Preparation is important.  Give yourself a mental pep talk before your date comes in. Everything you’re scared of is just in your brain. This date is not a matter of life or death and if this fails, then head on over to the next. Your date is probably as scared as you. And there’s nothing wrong with you. Tell yourself random stuff that will keep you happy and calm.

Come early. Being late will make you extra nervous, not to mention earn you a turnoff point, especially if you’re meeting the girl at your date location.  If you come early you will have time to relax and take in the atmosphere of the place before your date arrives.

A friend asked me once how important is it to show confidence during a date.  And my answer was that the two most important things to show on a date are your confidence and your sincerity (which allows your date to feel very important).  You need to at least have sense enough not to let your date notice your lack of confidence.

This is where ‘fake it until you make it’ applies quite well. After a few more dates with different women, and socializing with more people, you’ll likely be used to it and it will become a natural part of your personality. Bottom line is, attracting women is not hard if you follow this blueprint exactly as it is. And always remember to have fun!

If you need more help you can always call me at 347 622 8310 or email your questions to enrique@enriquequinterodesign.com

Posted on 6th June 2013 in Enrique's Dating Advice  •  Comments are off for this post

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